what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
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