ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
not ubering you a puppy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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