I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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