How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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