...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
