There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
