i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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