As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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