Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
