At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
