He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
