The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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