apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
