U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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