Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
