I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
