the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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