Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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