why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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