just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
