Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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