dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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