apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
