the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
