She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
