Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
