I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize