Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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