Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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