Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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