In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Welp...herpes.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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