We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
