Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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