This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
