i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
