2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
