i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
