he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
