you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
