wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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