Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
