My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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