Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
