The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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