the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize