my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
