I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
