he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize