loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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