I wanna bring you to show and tell
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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