You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
