I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize