Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
