Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
They have beer where we have blood.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
