Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
