I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
PANTIES FOUND
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
