Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
