She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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