dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
