I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
