You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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