I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
