Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
