Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
