I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
