# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
