what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize