Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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