Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
