oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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