i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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