Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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