are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
