can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
