break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
