You smell like stripper and shame
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
