Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
