Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Randomize
